Summer Squash

Recipes anyone?

Happy Pride 2009!!!!

NEVER HAVE I HAD MORE PRIDE at San Francisco's annual celebration of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Pride (the ever-fun LGBT acronym). This year, I was joined in the Market Street march from the Embarcadero to Civic Center by my dad! Dad and I marched with PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), and had a great time. It was Dad's first Gay Pride celebration, and let me tell you, he made me very proud marching with me, smiling, cheering, and waving. Happy LGBT Pride to everyone! I hope you all had a great day, or got to see any of the large number of pictures and writings about this year's festivities.

The group we marched with, PFLAG, has been providing support for our community as we 'come out' at anyAnd overthrow Prop 8 and support Same Sex Marriage already! Our marriage is good for the family, good for your neighbors, good for San Francisco City Hall, and it's good for the world. stage in our lives. This is so important because, as anyone who has gone through this process can attest, the first thing to come under threat is our support network.  Who still loves us?  Who will still be there for us?  Will our own parents, our fathers, accept us, or will they abandon us?  Of course, as we mature, we will put together our adult support network, and with luck come from a cultural background that allows us to be 'out' to everyone in our lives.  But in the interim?  Who helps get thousands of us from the first step out of the closet to sound and secure foundation?  PFLAG.  Thanks, PFLAG!

Marching with Dad this year was a lot of fun, but it was also very important to show our love and acceptance as an example for everyone in the world.  This is because, unlike us, so many gay men don't have supportive relationships with their fathers. In fact, I am incredibly lucky to have a dad who loves his gay son, and is also willing to show his support and caring by marching in one of the largest Pride celebrations in the world.  For young men struggling with your own relationships with your parents, please know that Dad and I didn't always have the dream relationship either.  In fact, there were times when being disowned seemed like a viable option to me, and probably to Dad too.  But we worked at it.  What did we do?  We learned to accept each other, to find things to do together, and to assume the best about our intentions.  It didn't happen overnight, but the love we have is worth a lifetime.  Thanks Dad!

 

Pride Power!

And look at our wonderful family grow!  This was a real PFLAG day!!!!

And, for anyone who wonders, this Pride was ffffffuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!

See you next year!

Redwoods: David Lewis' Frameline Feature Talks About Real Life Passion

IN THIS AGE of growing freedom, so much of our collective focus is rightly on the institution, the ritual, and the life passage of marriage.  But what happens after marriage? 

What happens when, like the larger, dominate heterosexual society, we find ourselves legally bound to a person who brings home a paycheck, changes the oil in his car, cosigns the mortgage, cares for kids and a pet, and frets about mould in the bathroom?

Stereotypically, the LGBT community, and gay men in particular, are almost expected to jump ship as soon as the sex cools down, our hearts stop skipping beats, and the thrill is over.  With longer-term and legally-binding commitments, will we be forced, like straight people, to come to terms with the fact that the partner who we can count on to build a stable, secure life with is not necessarily the same person that inspires our deepest passions?  Will we be able, with our support networks and larger community, to hold these two seemingly-contradictory thoughts simultaneously with the level of support and sophistication that life truly calls for?

This is the question that David Lewis addresses in Redwoods, premiering last Wednesday at the San Francisco Frameline LGBT film festival.  Redwoods took me on a journey of desire and passion that superseded lust, in a way that was as significant as the institution of marriage, although entirely unrecognized by society.

How David Does It

Redwoods is the story of Everet, a bright, young homemaker/accountant, living with his life partner and their autistic son in an unnamed Northern California costal community.  A small town where everyone knows everyone, and even Everet's parents and brother, living down the road, welcome Everet and his partner into their world.

When Everet's partner takes their son to the East Coast for a week, leaving Everet to tend the infinitely boring, yet highly stable and supported, life they've built together, Everet's dormant desires for hopeless passionate love are awakened and realized.  Chase, a wandering, lost wannabe writer, stumbles into town and is drawn into Everet's life with almost irresistible force.

Over the course of their brief courtship and affair, Everet learns that many of the stable and seemingly conservative people in his life have been forced to satisfy their need for love and passion outside of existing and accepted stable relationships.  In fact, contrary to common sense, an entire support network forms around Everet and Chase to facilitate the consummation of their passions.  Rather than conducting his affair in secret, Everet is supported by a community of elders who tacitly assume that, like the marriage to his partner, the consummation of Everet's desires with Chase is an equally legitimate life passage.

When the affair is over, we are able to see Everet return safely to the life he has been building with his partner at home, although there is a part of him that is changed forever.  The unspoken ritual, the life passage of his affair did not disrupt or end Everet's relationship at home, but it allowed him to stay, and to be the person who he needed to be, both with his partner, and with his community.

My Own Thoughts

I think a film like this can help us to consider new possibilities as we stabilize and legally sanctify our partnerships in marriage for the first time in modern history.  It is an option, a different way of looking at an institution that seems to be so ridged and final that nothing more can come after marriage.  It is a recognition that the person with whom we chose to create long term stability and support is not necessarily the person who drives us mad with desire.

Can a brief affair in a long term marriage make a difference?  It appears so, and it appears that this will be something our community will need to consider and support alongside more traditional rites of passage as we continue to assume more formal responsibilities in society.  In this film, Everet's week of love and affirmation with Chase was enough to change his life.  Treasuring this memory is enough to get him through the mortgage, child raising, and bathroom mould of everyday life.  Unlike we are so often led to believe, such an affair is not mutually exclusive, or even remotely contradictory to long term stability.

For Everet and Chase, their love is a fire that can never completely be extinguished.  Everet finds that his passions, like seeds planted once in spring, can continue to blossom and feed our souls for the rest of our lives.

David Lewis and the Redwoods cast and crew at Victoria Theater

Trumpet Flower

Dhalia